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Imminent Suicide Bomber Shortages

For Immediate release: New Middle East Supply Crisis

(ACPA-Atlanta) Evidence is mounting that Middle East terror groups are facing an imminent shortage of suicide bombers. The expectged deficit is a direct result of the dependence of Western Countries on Mid-East oil, combined with the unexpected increase in demand from developing Asian countries such as Pakistan.

Fearless researchers, at great peril to their own safety, spent terrifying hours browsing terrorist web sites, to learn that the price paid for a premium bomber has rocketed in recent weeks, with no relief in site. Terrorists are also concerned that an invasion of Iran will result in an embargo on the export of supplies by Teheran.

Sunni customers in Iraq have already started to move away from the International Terrorist Supply Chain, due to shortages and they are rapidly tryng to develop home-grown suicide bombers. Researchers predict local restructuring of Al Qaeda in Iraq is inevitable. "If the crisis continues heads will roll we expect," said research Director, Ronald Pecorry.

"In another surprising finding," noted Pecorry, "we have uncovered a growing fear among increasingly disconsolate Jihadis that the pervasive growth of western sexual values is resulting in fewer virgins in Heaven."