Upcoming Prayer Day!
For Immediate release: Pray-for-Atheists Day planned
(ACPA-Jerusalem) Rival Christian, Muslim and Jewish groups came together in a press conference in Jerusalem today, to announce that September 30th will be the first annual, "International Pray For Atheists Day." Each religious group is calling on its followers to set aside an hour that day, to pray for the conversion of Atheists.
Imagine a World without Religion
"As shepherds to billions of sheep, we fear for those who refuse to join the herd," stated Bishop Francisco,
public affairs representative for the Christians. He continued,
"This intra faith effort also serves to remind us all, that as terrible are the deeds inspired by religious faith,
from Crusades to suicide bombers to the denial of science, nothing is worse than atheism - not even homosexuality. We must pray urgently
and incessantly for Atheists, because we are afraid they will destroy the world
before the end of the world."
New Sin Categories
In order to prevent different religions from neutralizing each others prayers, the world is being divided into major areas and each religion will pray for atheists only in their assigned region.
In an effort to keep the focus on Atheists, there is a strict ban on sneaking in conversion prayers across religious lines. So, for example, Christians should not pray to the Almighty that Jews might convert.
However, each group can pray within inter-faith boundaries for members of a similar faith.
Hence, Sixth Day Adventists can pray for the conversion of Seventh Day Adventist or Shiites can pray for the conversion of Sunnis. Similarly, Ultra-Orthodox Jews can pray for the conversion of Orthodox Jews, non-polygamous Mormons can pray for polygamous Mormons, and so on and so forth.
Special new sins have been created to deter against breaking the prayer-day restrictions, with punishments varying according to religious preference.
Christians face more years in Purgatory, Muslims will have an additional month of fasting and Jews will have to watch Yentil every Saturday for a year.
Special Targets
Despite the various restrictions, it's open season on Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens and all groups are permitted to target these infidels with special prayer bombs. Prayer Policies towards Salman Rushdie, smirking Satire Writers and those who read their work have yet to be agreed by the three groups.
A spokesperson for the Atheists Association could not be found, apparently he was struggling through Chapter 2 of "The God Delusion".
To join or start a prayer team in your area please call 1 999 463-3425.
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