Atlanta Center for Policy Analysis

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Attacks Imminent, Hide now!

For Immediate release: Chilling New Bin Laden Video

(ACPA-Atlanta) Terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden today released a chilling new video calling for an all out attack on American Institutions. A bearded Bin Laden, filmed in front of his security blanket, called for sustained attacks on several pillars of US society including the United States Postal Service, Internet Service Providers and Congressional Offices nationwide.

In an appeal to Islamic Environmentalists everywhere he called for massive email and letter writing campaign to overwhelm these critical hubs of US Infrastructure. "The U.S. has occupied our sacred lands for too long because of their addiction to oil," announced bin Laden. "I am calling on all believers to encourage solar power stations, wind farms and electric cars, so the infidels will go away."

The Enemy Within

Federal Law Enforcement immediately raided offices of Greenpeace and the National Resources Defense Council arresting hundreds believed to be members of sleeper cells. The prospect of these home-grown terrorists waiting for the signal to launch additional letters has long been feared by the authorities.

In an effort to reduce the impact of the attacks, Congress rushed through an amendment to the Patriot Act making it an offense to send written or electronic mail criticizing public policy.

During a prime time news address the President condemned the video as evil-doer propaganda and called on the American people and its Oil Companies to remain steadfast. "We will win the War of Error" he stated resolutely adding "Our Postal Service workers will be provided with body amour to protect them from these Improvised Environmental Devices".