Hillary's Pole Victory

For immediate release:Hillary vaults ahead wtih Iowa Pole Result

(ACPA-Des Moines) In her first New Year announcement, Hillary Clinton admitted that she is delighted to have been named as winner of the Iowa Straw Pole.

The 6 foot pole, made from remnants of golden summer straw, was weaved by members of the North Iowa Farmer's Wives Association, a prestigious organization in the Snowy State. The award will be presented next week in a ceremony in Farmer John Rolfe's red barn on East Hwy 84.

Hilary overcome with joy at winning straw pole While not binding on the overall outcome of the State Caucus, the winner of the straw pole typically gets a boost in ratings across the state. Previous winners include Jimmy Carter, who won the Pole in 1976 and used it as fertilizer on his renowned 1977 peanut crop.

All the other contestants were awarded a specially baked humble pie which they chomped on dutifully.

The contestants will soon move on to New Hampshire, the "Live Free or Die" State, to take part in the live ammo paintball-style primary where it is expected a number of the weaker candidates will be eliminated.

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