Victory in Iraq!
August 2007. For Immediate release: Bush fixing to declare Iraq Victory
(ACPA-Atlanta) The Atlanta Center for Policy Analysis today questioned a decision by the White House to name the first of next month as "Victory in Iraq Declaration Day". In a press conference held in Anbar Province in Iraq, where the President made a surprise visit, Mr. Bush stated that on September 30th he will formally announce that Victory in Iraq has been achieved.
His speech will emphasize that "With victory announced, we can now move to successfully concluding
the war and exiting Iraq sometime in the years ahead."
The Atlanta Center also questions the Presidents belief that by declaring victory the Nation will "feel much better about the whole situation" and that "Declaring Victory is a standard milestone of war and we always declare it sooner or later".
The President also noted that "We must have a least one significant achievement to ensure continued funding since those other pesky milestones are not being reached".
Revising the Body Count
The President expects that TV News will now stop referring to "body count since Mission Accomplished was declared" and instead reset the count back to zero and start counting "deaths since victory in Iraq was declared".
Between the much decreased body count, the victory declaration itself and the higher public morale, President Bush expects a positive impact on his approval ratings. A ticker tape parade of Victory Veterans is planned for New York City. Extra wheelchair parking is being provided.
He who runs away leads the fight another day
President Bush added that he had a great experience with the troops in Anbar and wished he had been able to see some action. "I always regret" said the President "that I was deployed to patrol the skies of Texas as part of the Air National Guard".
He concluded the press conference with a Texas common-man awshucks adding "Bill Clinton and I both agree it would have been a thrill to have gone to the front in Vietnam".
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