Image of Sharia Hitchens Death Bed Conversion That NY Mosque Texans want Jesus out of public schools Russia invades Georgia-Atlanta in Panic Obama's puts Waffle House Menu in Speech Will Ireland abolish Murphy's Law? Read Favorite Satire Stories from this Site

Casey Anthony to Publish Better-Parenting Book

(ACPA-Orlando) Exonerated and liberated, one-time mother Casey Anthony is set to shake the staid world of parenting books with her magnum opus, "Casey's Guide to Better Child Rearing." The book will be filled with Casey's tried and tested methods that make life easier for stressed out parents.

Tips include:

  • when beating your child with a poker, make sure you cover the handle with cloth, otherwise the impact can cause wrist pain
  • best wilderness parks for taking your child on that long secluded walk
  • clever tips on how to get free babysitting while you go partying
  • for road trips, Casey explains where to place the car seat so the child's whining doesn't distract you during your favorite radio shows
  • great locations for swimming, and where to get metal floaties
  • tips for dealing with crying: Casey suggests you just sit there and cry with them. "It's ok for grown-ups to cry too," writes Casey, "cry for hours if you have to, just make sure you cry longer than the little bastard, that way you win."
  • and of course, helpful cleaning tips for when they make that very big mess

Casey suggests Chinese-American parents read the book in a Chinglish accent to see if they are already familiar with these tactics: "Load tlip? Ahhh, load tlip! I put baby seat tlunk, yes?"

But not everyone is supporting Casey's efforts to build a new life. CNN's Nancy Grace said, "Friends, did you know I used to be a prosecutor, but now I have a TV show, a very special TV show. But I used to be a prosecutor, did I tell you that already?"

The book will be published next week and Headline News is assembling a team of the most passionate experts they can find on the subject to provide 24/7 coverage of the book launch, the preparations for the book launch, the aftermath of the book launch and whatever other related events they can think of to fill a few hours of airtime. "We're going to put our best people on this," said an executive of the channel, "we'll have Charlie from cleaning, and Louise from advertising sales - she has such strong opinions on this case, you have to hear them."

Casey's next project will be to secure a permanent writing job. "With several vacancies opening up at Rupert Murdoch's News Corp, I'm going to apply," she said. "I'm well suited, I don't have empathy for other human beings either."

Other News

Dr Pepper Found in Possession of Coke

Ireland 40 shades of Green Crisis

Shuttle Astronaut to be deported to Space

New Hummer Hybrid

or Click here for all our Satire News Stories

Thanks Stumblers, Redditors, DIGGers and everyone else for visiting!