Casey Anthony to Publish Better-Parenting Book
(ACPA-Orlando) Exonerated and liberated, one-time mother Casey Anthony, is set to shake the staid world of parenting books with her magnum opus, "Casey's Guide to Better Child Rearing." The book will be filled with Casey's tried and tested methods that make life easier for stressed out parents.
Tips include:
- when beating your child with a poker, make sure you cover the handle with cloth, otherwise the impact can cause wrist pain
- best wilderness parks for taking your child on a long secluded walk
- clever tips on how to get free babysitting
- for road trips, Casey explains where to place the car seat so the child's whining doesn't distract you during your favorite radio show
- great locations for swimming, and where to get metal floaties
- tips for dealing with crying: Casey suggests you just sit there and cry with them. "It's ok for grown ups to cry too," writes Casey, "cry for hours if you have to, just make sure you cry longer than the little bastard, that way you win."
- and of course, helpful cleaning tips for when they make that big mess
Casey suggests Chinese-American parents read the book in a Chinglish accent to see if they are already familiar with these tactics: "Load tlip? Ahhh, load tlip! I put baby seat tlunk, yes!"
But not everyone is supporting Casey's efforts to build a new life. CNN's Nancy Grace said, "Friends, did you know I used to be a prosecutor, but now I have a TV show, a very special TV show. But I used to be a prosecutor, did I tell you that already?"
The book will be published next week and Headline News are assembling a team of passionate experts to provide 24/7 coverage of the book launch, the launch preparations, and the aftermath. "We're going to put our best people on this," said an executive of the channel, "we'll have Charlie from cleaning, and Louise from advertising sales, she has such strong opinions on this case."
Casey's next project will be to secure a permanent writing job. "With several vacancies opening up at Rupert Murdoch's News Corp, I'm going to apply," she said. "I'm well suited, I don't have empathy for other human beings either."
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