Death Penalty facing Constitutional Crisis
For Immediate release: Death Penalty to be banned?
(ACPA-Houston) Texas is reeling at news that the death penalty is facing the possibility of being declared unconstitutional. The Supreme Court, under pressure to save money, plans to use its upcoming review of Lethal Injection as an opportunity to abolish executions, eliminating the overtime associated with those endless last minute midnight appeals.
Shock and Dismay
Groans of shock and dismay were recorded across the Lone Star State
as Texans started to come to terms with the news
that their beloved death penalty might be taken away.
"This all started with the abolition of execution for the retarded," said Dwight Johnson of Harris County, "that dang Yankee Supreme Court should stay out of our business."
Death row guards concerned for their jobs have decided to take action. Union Spokesman Jim Austen stated that, "we are going to start a grassroots nationwide campaign to encourage other states to have more executions."
Arguing that the death penalty is a time honoured tradition, he was quick to point out that, "the death penalty is just like free speech - use it or lose it."
Over in Houston, the Mayor is particularly concerned that mass layoffs could follow in the prosecutor's office and he has weighed in his support for the guards union. "We love the Yellow Rose of Texas and we love the Death Rows of Texas," he said in an impassioned plea for support from other city Mayor's nationwide.
Meanwhile traffic came to a standstill in dowtown Livingston, home of the Polunsky Unit Death Row facility, when several strapdown team members staged an impromptu strap-in.
Trade War looms
On the financial front, markets reacted to the news by dumping shares of chemical companies who specialize in the manufacture of Sodium Thiopental. Lean times are ahead unless these companies can break into the burgeoning but restricted Chinese death penalty market. The US is expected to bring the matter up in upcoming WTO talks.
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