Seems like those Greek Gods are not taking the debt-crisis very seriously.by Todd Outcalt
(ACPA-Athens, Greece) After the Prime Minister, George Papandreou, resigned, and the European Union threatened to default on the loan, Zeus hurled a lightning bolt and signaled an emergency meeting on Mount Olympus. Being Bacchus, I brought the wine - mostly French with some Argentinian Shiraz and Spanish Malbec tossed in to round out the selection. Every member of the council was accounted for except Arcesius, who arrived drunk, and Poseidon, who sent regrets because he was still under contract at Sea World and would not be able to get away until Shamu IV was trained.
Zeus was all business and initiated the meeting by firing several shots across the bow of the European Labor Union before opening to questions. Electra asked about the wisdom of raising the debt limit before Hades interrupted and yelled, "Damn them all!" Europa seemed particularly miffed at the suggestion that people should invest in gold and took umbrage to Hera's idea that the Euro was devalued and was being propped up solely by Chinese venture capitalists and the inability of the Occupy Wall Street protesters to set up a camp in Schenectady.
Our discussion was heating up when Hermes arrived with an important message from a Fox News affiliate, informing us that Greek tourism was at an all time low - a bit we found difficult to swallow seeing as how we'd lived through the Peloponnesian War and the introduction of an Arthur Treacher's Fish & Chips on the isle of Crete.
After five hours of discussion, Zeus ordered Muse to read back the minutes of the meeting, but she suggested we commission a philosopher like Socrates to create a solution to the debt crisis or, in the event of his unavailability, grease Aristophanes with a lump sum as work-for-hire to write a humorous play about the current political situation. I pointed out that both were dead, Hades affirmed, and we proceeded to take a hand ballot showing our near-unanimous support for Nicholas Sparks and his work-in-progress involving a lonely widower who travels to Athens in search of his soul mate before both are killed in an unfortunate trawler accident off the coast of Corinth. It's a page-turner and he's already got a movie offer.
Heracles, fresh from the gym, entered the meeting pumped and demanded to know why he had not been summoned before his last set of bench presses, but Persephone was not in the mood for semantics and told him to "go to Hades." A fight ensued, with Cronus and Uranus eventually stripping down to the nubbins and wrestling it out in a steel cage death match. Ares painted their image on a Grecian urn and order was eventually restored.
The meeting moved toward adjournment when Atlas informed us that he was getting tired and really needed a cigarette break. Several of the Titans pointed out that this was impossible, Atlas shrugged, and Turkey experienced another earthquake. Zeus told Atlas that he was "getting as soft as America", though Heracles, always the ham, did offer to take the load for an hour so he could flex his lats and impress the ladies. Circe rubbed him down with Eucalyptus leaves.
After the grueling session, Zeus pointed out that the Greek debt crisis remained, but offered to read some Menander or select passages from Plutarch's, "Against Going into Debt." Hades vetoed the reading and invited everyone to "join him in hell." I volunteered to bring the beer and a Jeroboam of Italian port.
Hermes compiled the minutes of the meeting and winged his way to Berlin to catch the second half of a soccer match while most of the pantheon returned to their respective marble thrones. I opened two bottles of Mogen David and invited the stragglers over to my place to watch new episodes of Pawn Stars.
The crisis continues, though we hear Papandreou is considering a comeback. Good thing he's not a praying man.