Sweden's New Anti-Terrorism Eavesdropping Law

For immediate release: Code of Silence

(ACPA-Stockholm) Sweden's new Right Wing Parliament has narrowly passed a law that gives the government sweeping powers to force citizens to talk to each other.

Stockholm GNU 1.2 licence from wikimedia The "Safer Sweden Communications Act" establishes minimum annual conversation quotas and mandates Swedes to talk to each other at least once every day in summer and twice a day in winter. The new rules allow the government to eavesdrop in homes and offices to ensure compliance.

The new legislation closely mirrors the post 9-11 efforts of the Bush administration to monitor communications with the "Protect America Act". That Law was primarily driven by concerns that free speech rules in America were allowing terrorists to easily communicate with each other.

However, Swedish authorities are more concerned that terrorists are hiding their devious plots behind the treasured Scandinavian tradition of not speaking to anyone for days on end. It's hoped that with the new mandatory conversations, terrorists will inadvertently reveal their devious plans.

Forced exile to Gothenburg (applies only to Stockholm residents) and torture techniques such as svenska-boarding, the barbaric practice of being forced to drink Swedish beer, are also sanctioned in the new legislation.

Finns, who make Swedes seem like outrageous extroverts, proposed a similar law but the attempt quietly fizzled out. The Parliamentary debate on the subject ended when the MP who sponsored the proposal finished her opening remarks. Elected representatives then sat quietly looking at the floor for two hours before politely excusing themselves for a schnapps-break.

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