Alabama To Introduce "Hoodies For Hispanics" Program
(ACPA-Montgomery, AL) With Hispanics fleeing Alabama in droves to escape the harsh effects of HB-56, the populist anti-immigration law, one State Lawmaker is trying to reach out to the few remaining Latinos with his new "Hoodies for Hispanics" program.
Starting next month any remaining Hispanics will be given a free hoodie, loose fitting jeans and boxer shorts that go up to their shoulders. "All they have to do is go to a local police station, present 3 forms of valid photo id and the new outfit is theirs for the taking," said State-Representative Scott Beason who sponsored the new program.
"People are quick to forget our past of 'separate-but-equal' which, you must admit, we got half right. Well I'm here to say that when I see a black man in a hoodie but not his Hispanic brother, I think to myself, Scott, in God's name, and also that of his only son our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, how can one of them have a hoodie and not the other? Hispanics deserve hoodies too and I have a dream that one day all Hispanics will have hoodies, at least the ones who are here legally."
"This isn't a racial policy thing," said Birmingham housewife Linda Bearle. "The blacks gained a lot over the last few years and now it's the Hispanics turn for some help."
Birmingham KKK Local 101 member, Josh Aldon also supports the new deal. "Yeah, you know some of those Hispanics are white, if you can believe that, I mean who would have thought a black man could be white, so if they all wear hoodies it would be so much more easy to eh.. well to eh...assimilate them. Hey, is that recorder turned on?"
But with vegetables rotting in the fields, hotel rooms remaining unclean, and German car executives getting second thoughts about locating themselves in the cotton-dixie state, some are asking: "Is it too little too late?"
"Maybe we should build them homes too, or dorms or something, all in one nice place, so they can all be together, sort of concentrated into one area wearing their new outfits," said State Representative Mickey Hammon. "Not gutt idea," said German Hans Jenks, a parts procurer for Mercedes Benz. Jenks, whose recent job creation trip ended abruptly when a routine traffic stop resulted in his arrest by Alabama State Troopers becasue he was not carrying his passport, said: "Maybe we should start looking North of this place, ja?"