India Soap Opera Crisis
For immediate release: Melodrama Reaches Critical Levels
(ACPA-Mumbai) A new Asian Crisis has been declared as authorities in Mumbai and New Delhi are forced to come to terms with the increasing melodrama of India's Soap Operas.
The crisis was ignited two years ago during an episode of "Astitva Ek Prem Kahani", when it emerged that the young Englishwoman searching Goa for novelist Anand, was in fact his long lost Indian daughter who had been kidnapped as a baby during a vacation to London. With no concern for the nation's melodramatic quotient, the producers then murdered Anand's other estranged daughter in a terrorist bombing, before she had a chance to find out that Anand was in fact Abhi!
At first the crisis was not noticed but as the "Astitiva" series continued to mock reality without ever losing its number one spot, competing producers were forced to up the ante. Soon an increasing number of conniving sisters in-law, whose very appearance on screen is heralded with evil music, were quickly followed by growing numbers of righteous husbands whose teeth gnash endlessly while they obsess over family honor.
Kasamh Se and the Secret of the Outhouse
Combined with post-modernist wild camera movements every time dramatic news is announced, these plot twists and turns are causing an uncontrollable surge in melodrama. This surge is doing untold damage to the intellect of the India public whose credulity has been growing weekly. Now an avalanche effect of total intellectual meltdown is being approached in the National Disaster that is known as "Kasamh Se".
Speaking on the phenomenon, Indian media Personality, Rohit Pecorry, remarked at a recent Mumbai University conference that "Kasamh Se's secret of the outhouse may be a leap of faith into the abyss of farce, but the most egregious example was the melodramatic destruction of the funny and much loved "Kareena, Kareena!". I'm still in mourning for that show".
Later at the conference, Indian President Patil, announced the creation of a "Drama Commission to review the melodramatic impact of Soap Operas on society."
Taking Decisive Action
To ensure efficiency, Patil's small Commission will consist of a chairman, fourteen exploratory committees, 12,200 employees with additional positions for those from protected castes.
Other vacancies will be made available on a "nod-is-as-good-as-a-wink with-500 Rupees-in-a-brown-envelope-please" basis.
In a message of support UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown noted that, "We can trace the decline of England to the launching of "Eastenders" in 1985 and this new Asian Crisis is of utmost concern for the future of Asia," adding, "I do quite like that "Coronation street" though".
Meanwhile Zee TV-USA expressed hope that the commission would not affect their ability to broadcast fraudulent advertising for fake psychics.
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