Israeli Interior Minister Apologizes For Masturbating During Biden Press Conference
(ACPA-Jerusalem) US-Israeli relations were strained for the second time in a week, when the Jewish nation's Interior Minister was caught on tape masturbating during Joe Biden's farewell press conference. However, while denying that his self-gratification signified a lack of respect for the Obama administration's peace efforts, Eli Yishai did admit to being "distracted while Biden was talking."
"I just happened to feel a tingle in my shmackel and I just started....well you know.....I didn't mean offense, it was
just so boring listening to the Kibitzer yammering on and on. You would do the same wouldn't you?"
"Not so," said Hillary Clinton, who in a frank phone call to Prime Minister Netanyahu said, "The United States considers the incident of self abuse to be a negative signal about Israel's approach to the bilateral relationship. It better not happen again."
Eli fiddles while Jenin burns
Prime Minister Netanyahu insisted that he had no prior knowledge of the incident and TV footage of him whispering sternly, "Put that away right now, Eli" seemed to support his claim. But despite Netanyahu apologizing for the timing, he said nothing about the substance of the issue at hand and attempted to deflect the blame: "He's been like this ever since he found hotjewishgirls.com."
Meanwhile, Palestinian leaders, whose predecessors turned down the offer of a UN mandated nation-state in 1947, tried to capitalize on the issue by insisting that there could be no peace until every stone in Tel Aviv is torn down and the land returned to the way it was before May 1948. "We will wait another hundred years if that is what it takes!"
In Jenin, amongst the rubble of her parent's newly bulldozed home, a tiny voice was heard whimpering, "Please, all of you, don't make us wait that long."
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