Israeli Interior minister apologizes for self-gratification incident during press conference
(ACPA-Jerusalem) US-Israeli relations were strained for the second time in a week, when the Jewish nation's Defense Minister was caught on tape pleasuring himself during John Kerry's recent press conference. However, while denying that his self-gratification signified a lack of respect for the Obama administration's peace efforts, Moshe Ya'alon did admit to being "bored while Kerry was talking."
"I just happened to feel a tingle in my shmackel and I just started....well you know.....I didn't mean offense, it was just so boring listening to the Kibitzer yammering on and on. You would do the same wouldn't you?"
"Not so," said Vice President Joe Biden, who in a frank phone call to Prime Minister Netanyahu said, "The United States considers the incident of self-abuse to be a negative signal about Israel's approach to the bilateral relationship. It better not happen again."
Mosh fiddles while Jenin burns
Prime Minister Netanyahu insisted that he had no prior knowledge of the incident and TV footage of him whispering sternly, "Put that away right now, Mosh" seemed to support his claim. But despite Netanyahu apologizing for the timing, he said nothing about the substance of the issue and attempted to deflect the blame: "He's been like this ever since he found hotjewishgirls.com."
Meanwhile, Palestinian leaders, whose predecessors turned down the offer of a UN mandated nation-state in 1947, tried to capitalize on the issue by insisting that there could be no peace until every stone in Tel Aviv is torn down and the land returned to the way it was before May 1948. "We will wait another hundred years if that is what it takes!"
In Gaza, amongst the rubble of her parent's bombed-out home, a tiny voice was heard whimpering, "Please, all of you, don't make us wait that long."
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